Darling, January and February are itchy/scratchy times of year. Here, all the bugs decide to come inside to get out of the wind/ sand/ cold. [Yes, dear, not cold like your cold but cold for us!] One person I knew had anti-ant powder heaped up along the edges of the counter. That much poison 10 inches from where you prepare food? No, Darling. No.
We old hands know the trick: Dr. Bronner’s peppermint liquid soap in a spray bottle with some additional citrus, lavender, tea tree or eucalyptus liquid soap (or all of them!). See bug – spray it – wipe up with eco-tissue – dispose and you are done.
I knew a woman, Lord Love A Duck, who had a ‘bug-rag.’ She would try to catch and release whatever bugs she found in her house but if it was an ant swarm or a particularly awful-looking spider, she would spray it with her own home-made concoction, then use her specially designated washcloth to pick it up and toss it outside, then she would check the washcloth for stray legs or feelers and hang it up again. So eco! So not something I would ever do!
And, please note, if you are not able to deal with a large cockroach squirming around in liquid soap, then you are not ready to do high finance in the Middle East.
Bugs, in addition to all their help for the planet, have many uses. One is as a personality test. If you are afeared of something creepy-crawly, see one, yelp and the person you are with makes fun of you… then you know you are dealing with a scoundrel. Real people dash to fetch the Dr Bronner’s (or shoe) and dispatch with haste.
Divas will then bring a wee aperitif and a high-quality chocolate to help you deal with the stress. Only trolls will make fun of you, and as for the unspeakable orcs who would drop a bug on you… that’s grounds for divorce or end of friendship.
Another use is as social barometer. If you tell a story about a terrifying insect and the person listening immediately tells a story about a MORE terrifying insect they saw instead of saying “OH, that’s horrible! How strong you are for surviving that!” then you know you are dealing with someone who is ever so slightly self-absorbed. You have been warned.
As for metaphorical bugs, whatever is bugging you, use the Dr. Bronner’s analogy. Go gentle to get rid of it, no need for metaphorical bug bombs or terrifying toxins. Don’t create situations in which bugs of any sort can invade your space and get rid of them with minimum fuss when they do.
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